


Perditus

by Vintage_Love



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Fluff, Couples Fight, Domestic Fluff, Heavy Drinking, Kind of fluffy ending, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Movie(s), Psychological Torture, Torture, Unexpected Visitors, a bit of PTSD, not all no-majs are terrible, obviously they're in love, puppy child, recovery isn't easy, talks of marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vintage_Love/pseuds/Vintage_Love
Summary: After being freed Graves tries to put the pieces of his shattered life together. It isn't so easy when the man who was taken by Grindelwald isn't the same one who comes out. The poor man is trying to cope.--- Happiness follows soon after.





	1. Perditus

**Author's Note:**

> After I saw the movie I felt terrible for Credence, but then the more I thought about it the more I realized I also felt terrible for Graves. 
> 
> Grindelwald hijacked not only his life, but his essence. He destroyed that man's world. I have no doubt in my mind that if Grindelwald didn't kill him. He most certainly was torturing Graves. How do you come back from that? 
> 
> I'm also working off of the notion that real Graves and Credence had even the slightest beginning of a relationship before Grindelwald took over. 
> 
> This all kind of just came to me over night. And I mostly wrote it for myself. I hope you all enjoy it as well.

It could be said Percival Graves was a proud man. And a self-admitted arrogant man, but never a cold hearted one.

He was the descendant of one of the first aurors of the MACUSA. He had worked hard and devoted himself to the protection of his fellow witches and wizards. There was no grey area when it came to laws. You learned them and you followed them. They were clear and finite, unlike people. Perhaps countless hours hunched over law books and potions and hours of training alone had made him solitary, but never mean-spirited.

He had an inflated ego. And there was no doubt now that it had been his downfall. For all the measures he took for others he had become lax in his own life. After all, who would dare attack him in his own home? It had not occurred to him that he could ever become a target. He had been careless.

And so on that dark and lonely night, as Graves sat in his small and barren apartment, drinking confiscated no-maj whiskey straight from the bottle, he never saw Grindelwald coming.

The attack was swift, he'd been hit at least twice before he'd managed to counter attack. He was no match for Grindelwald, not inebriated he told himself. Now he doubted if he would have been able to even stop him sober. He doubted many things these days.

He thought Grindelwald had come to kill him, and if he had any luck, he would have. Graves found himself pinned to a wall, unable to move, staring into the eyes of the devil. He was questioned for hours. Each time he refused Grindelwald inflicted a new wound. There were far easier ways to get him to talk, but Grindelwald got pleasure from seeing him suffer.

He still could feel the sensation of fire whipping across his face and tearing open his flesh. It was right after that attack that Grindelwald bored of him. He poured one of Graves' own potions down his throat and everything he had kept secret came spilling out.

He tried to fight it. Government secrets meant nothing to him. Not in comparison to the things more precious. The things he kept buried deep within. The things he didn't dare speak aloud,even to himself. It was those things Grindelwald was most interested in.

Credence.

"The boy, tell me about the boy," Grindelwald whispered darkly into his ear. His lips pressed against Graves' skin made him shake in revulsion. " I know you must want to. Such a secret to keep. I've seen you huddled with him in dark alleys whispering. I don't fault you. He is such a pretty little thing."

It made him sick, to hear Grindelwald talk about Credence in such a manner. He laughed as Graves tried to break free. "Come now, we both know that he's the reason you're sitting here in the dark, drinking yourself to sleep."

"Leave him alone!" Graves forced through clenched teeth.

Grindelwald laughed again. "But he's what I came for. He'll give me what I need."

He tried once again to break free of his magical restraints only to be slammed hard into the wall behind him. "Please, do with me what you want, but leave Credence alone."

"You're precious little secret is mine now. I will have him." He was going to be sick.

Grindelwald threaded his fingers through Graves' hair and pulled his head back forcefully. "I have to thank you, Director Graves. You are going to help me get everything I need."

Grindelwald tore a cluster of hair from the back of his head. And before he realized what happened he was falling down a hole that seemed to have no end. He let out a scream as he felt the bones in his leg crunch on impact. It was broken.

He looked up and found he could barely see Grindelwald. "Behave yourself Graves. It doesn't have to end badly for you. I could use a man with your set of skills. You could have a greater position than the one you have now. You could be powerful."

His voice carried down, twisted and poisonous. "I'd rather die than join you," Graves hissed out viciously.

"Play your cards right Mr. Graves and you will get just that."

It was the last thing he heard before Grindelwald slammed shut a lid and he was left in the pitch black darkness of the pit he was in.

\---

He lost track of time. He had no idea how long Grindelwald had held him prisoner. The only times he saw anything was when he tossed Graves down some bread and water or when in fits of frustration and rage Grindelwald tortured him. It could have been years.

At some point, his leg had begun to heal but it had done so improperly. It would have to be broken and reset. The few times he tried to stand ended in agonizing pain. His muscles had grown weak and he'd lost a significant amount of weight. Every flash of his own skin he managed to glimpse was covered in different shades of purple, blue, and yellow.  

After a while, he began to do the unthinkable. He began to wish for death.

And then one day when the lid opened and he waited for Grindelwald's taunts or torture. He heard something else instead. He heard Tina's gentle voice calling out to him. At first, he thought he was hallucinating. He was close to death. It was the only thing that made sense.

"Percival? Percival, can you hear me? We're going to get you out of there. Are you badly hurt?"

He began to hear other voices, but they all started to blend together.

\---

The next thing he remembered was waking up in the deafening silence of the hospital, Queenie asleep in a chair next to him.

He tried to call out to her but his throat was dry and all that came out was a series of vicious coughs. Queenie shot up instantly.

"Tina! Tina! He's awake!" she cried out.

Tina came bursting through the door moments later. "Percival!" she wheezed out in between labored breaths. "You're awake!"

Obviously, his consciousness was something to be excited about. He tried to speak again but couldn't.

"Oh!" Queenie squeaked. "He needs some water, the poor thing."

She poured him a class and helped him sit up in bed to drink. The second he gulped down the water he spoke.Barely able to manage a whisper. "Credence?" 

He need not be a mind reader to know what had happened. The look on Tina's face was enough.

Credence was gone.

There was no point in pretending, not anymore. He let the tears fall from his eyes.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," Queenie said wrapping her arms around him. Tears streaming down her own face.

No matter how much he protested he remained in the hospital for an additional week on top of the two weeks he'd already spent there, on top of the long months he had been locked away. He wanted to get out. He couldn't take the looks of pity.

Tina and Queenie were there on the day of his release to take him home. He didn't deserve their kindness. He'd never treated them as well as they deserved.

Tina did the work and apparated them into his home. It was unrecognizable. She must have seen the look of confusion on his face. She led him to a sofa that had not been there before.

"I hope you don't mind we- we cleaned up a bit," she said waving her arms around in presentation.

"And we got you a few more pieces of furniture. It was a bit sad in here. I did the decorating. I hope you like it." Queenie said in her perpetual state of joy that Graves couldn't wrap his mind around.

He sat there on the sofa, unsure of what to say. The sisters must have sensed his discomfort because Tina immediately suggested they leave.

"Please don't hesitate to ask for anything... Director," she offered with a kind, but pitying smile.

He watched as they made their way towards the door and just as they made their way out he whispered: "Thank you... for everything."

Tina turned back and smiled at him.

\---

A few days later, after a yelling match with doctors, and a mandatory cane, he made his way back to work.

He walked instead of apparating. His doctors said it would be good for his lungs to breathe in fresh air. Fat chance of finding any of that in Manhattan, but he did it anyway. He didn't mind it at first, but everywhere he turned, people moved away from him in horror.

As soon as he walked into the building it fell silent and time stopped or at least it felt that way to him. He felt the eyes of a thousand people staring at him. Once he would have basked in the attention, but now he wished they'd all do their jobs and go away. He slowly limped his way to the elevators. As soon as he got in the two wizards who were in jumped out before the door closed. He wished he could be upset but he understood why they did it. He let out a sigh but kept his head held high.

When he got to his department he received a standing ovation. To which he wanted to say he didn't deserve but of course it would be unkind and so instead he nodded to everyone in the room. "Thank you everyone, but please let's move forward and get back to work. That's all I want to do."

They seemed a bit let down. He supposed they were waiting for a story of his bravery, but there was no such story. They all went back to work and some of the tension in his back released. Only Tina remained. "Madam President would like to see you if you're up to it."

"It's as good a time as any. Thank you, Tina."

He stood outside of the President's office, hand shaking. He was lost, so unsure. He was a mystery even to himself. Was this going to be his life now? Second guessing everything he did? He stilled his hand and attempted to produce a sturdy self-assured knock.

President Picquery was seated at her desk when he entered and she made no attempt to get up. She did offer a quasi-kind smile. It was more than he deserved.

"You asked to see me?" he said staring down intensely at his shoes.

"Yes, I did. I'm glad to see you're up and about and back to your old self again." They both knew that everything she had just said was a lie. He wasn't okay and he certainly wasn't back to his old self, but it was sink or swim here. It was more of a command than a statement. Get better or get out.

"There's a lot that needs to be handled and I'm happy to have my right-hand man back."

He tried to look thankful for the compliment, but he couldn't manage it. He wasn't sure he was the asset he used to be. He watched as she finally got up and made her way towards him.

She put her hands on his shoulders and caught his gaze. "Everything's going to be okay. They just need time to readjust. They'll remember who you are. Give it time." She turned him around and sent him on his way.

Her words were reverberating around his skull. "They need time. They'll remember who you are." His breathing was becoming erratic and his heart was pounding. He raced to the nearest bathroom he could find and turned the water on to splash on his face. The cold water stung the delicate, puckered skin around the scar on his face. Another parting gift.

He brought both of his hands to his face. He gently ran his fingers across the scar. From chin, over his eye, to his forehead and back across. He stared at the man looking back at him. "They'll remember who you are". He kept thinking about those words.

How could they possibly remember when he couldn't. "Who are you?" he whispered to the face in the mirror.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" he shouted as he slammed his fists into the mirror.

Someone walked into the bathroom, took one look at him and a look of terror flashed across his face before the man ran off. For the first time in his life, Percival Graves left work early.

He spent hours wandering around until he came across a no-maj speakeasy. He sat down at a corner table and ordered whiskey. Technically he was breaking the law, but they weren't his laws so they didn't really count. Or that's what he told himself after his 5th drink.

He looked around at all the no-majs dancing around, singing, laughing. He used to pity them. The fools. They had no idea what was happening around them. Now he wondered if life was easier that way. Maybe he too could have been enjoying himself instead of drowning himself in bathtub alcohols.

The song changed and all the couples emerged to dance. The song was smooth and hypnotizing, but more likely it was the alcohol. He got lost in all the swaying beads on the women's dresses. Then he saw a shadow pass behind them. He leaned over the table squinting his eyes desperate to make out who it was.

'Someday my love, someday.' the song played on.

He saw the shadow again. Only now it wasn't a shadow at all. It was Credence. Just standing there on the opposite side of the dance floor. Graves shot up out of his seat and pushed his way through the crowd.

But when he reached the other side there was nothing. No shadow, no Credence. He brought his hand to his face and began to laugh hysterically. He was losing his mind. One of the bartenders came up to him and told him he had to go with a shove.

He didn't put up a fight.

\---

He couldn't say how he made his way home, but he'd managed it. He was still fully dressed and laying on his new sofa, but home and in one piece nevertheless. Every muscle in his legs ached. There's no cure for atrophy other than movement, he thought to himself as he looked around for his cane. He gave up and summoned it to himself instead.

Sooner than he liked his alarm would be blaring and it would be time to go to work.

He didn't walk this time. Instead, he took the no-maj form of transportation, a cab. At least today the silence when he entered was shorter. He took the same path he'd done a thousand times to his department. As soon as he walked in everyone began bombarding him with messages and forms to sign. They had taken his message to heart. Back to work, it was.

They were all shouting at him at once about disappearances, security measures for upcoming delegation meetings, interdepartmental squabbles. He did his best to ignore them as he pushed his way into his office.

It was like fighting off wild dogs. He leaned against the door, closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. He opened his eyes to find his secretary Vera, wide-eyed and frozen, metaphorically, in place. He smiled at her, which only seem to startle her.

"Good Morning Vera," he said in a soft voice. "What do you have for me this morning?"

He made his way around his desk to stand next to her. She was a pretty young woman, he'd hand pick himself. She was diligent but sweet. Always ready to share a joke or two with him. She always knew what he needed, even before he did.

He leaned over her shoulder to see what she was doing and he felt her flinch. His heart sank.

"Vera..."

"No, please, director. I - I apologize," she quickly interjected.

"Vera, you have nothing to apologize for. But I must ask. Did I - did he do anything to you? Anything inappropriate?" It was a horrible question to ask, but one that needed to be answered. It was eating away at him, but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know either.

Vera looked down at the floor and her cheeks turned red. "Please, Vera." His voice cracked.

"No, Director. He did not." It was a relief.

"Nothing anyone would say was inappropriate, Sir." That did not make him feel better.

"Sometimes you - HE - would come close. He'd place his hands on my shoulder or my elbow. The gesture wasn't inappropriate, but the intention behind it made me uncomfortable."

It wasn't as terrible as it could have been he supposed. But it still stung him. How many other stories of this nature would he have to hear?

He backed away from Vera and apologized. "I am so very sorry Vera. I can't even-"

"Please Director, don't. It wasn't you. It was so strange. You'd never behaved in such a manner before and it confused me. At first, I - I thought, forgive me Director, that maybe you were looking for something romantic." Her cheeks became redder as she spoke. "And I wouldn't have said no, but then I realized that it was something else entirely and that frightened me."

"He was you. I tried to figure out what was happening because some days nothing seemed different and others were unnerving. I tried to ask but you always turned me away. How did he do it?"

Graves was desperately trying to hold himself together as she spoke. That monster had left chaos in his wake. He had destroyed everything he'd worked hard to cultivate.

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry. I should have known. I should have realized it wasn't you. I should have done something."

"Vera, how could you have? No one else did either. Madam President couldn't even tell. Please don't beat yourself up over it."

He offered her a small smile and she returned it. "I would like to move past this. And I would like for you to continue to work for me, but I'll understand if you'd feel better elsewhere."

"No! Director. I'd very much like to remain at your side." He couldn't tell if her decision was based on her need to atone for her misjudgments or if she was truly okay with being near him.

"Alright then. I'm happy to hear it. Now would you please sort through all those papers everyone just dropped on your desk?"

At that, she gave him a great big smile. "Right away Sir. I'll get rid of all the nonsense for you."

"Thank you."

As soon as she was gone he slumped into his chair. He'd never forgive himself. He replayed her words over and over again in his head. "He was you. How did he do it?" He turned around and looked at his reflection in the window.

"Who are you?"

\---

He spent the entire day hiding in his office like a coward. Having his subordinates go to meetings in his place. He loathed himself. When the day was finally over he was relieved. He needed to get out. But being out in the city didn't make him feel any better.

He walked block after block, with no end in sight. He used to love the city. The constant bustle. The music, the laughter, the noise. But now it felt colder, empty somehow. His leg began to ache and he found a stoop to rest on. He watched as people walked by, individuals, couples, families, all hurrying along. Places to go, people waiting on them. Who waited on him?

Just then a blur of black caught his eye. Standing across the street. Credence. He knew he must have been hallucinating, but a part of him, a small broken part of him hoped it wasn't true. He stood up and called out to him. "Credence?"

He raced across the street, as well as he could manage, but Credence turned and walked away. "Wait! Credence! Wait! Please!" he shouted. He chased Credence down a dark corner shouting all the way. But when Graves turned the corner he was gone.

He fell down onto his knees and cringed in pain. He was losing his mind.

\---

The next few weeks were the same. His days were filled with endless tedium. Meetings and conferences and listening to the President run speech after speech. His once fervent passion for work was dissipating.

Each night he left work and was haunted by visions of Credence around every corner. But worse when he closed his eyes he was tormented by dreams of Grindelwald.

The only comfort he found was at the bottom of a bottle. His second night home he tore the apartment apart looking for his stash of whiskey, but it seemed the girls had cleared it all out. Now, he relied on any confiscation warehouse or speakeasy he could find.

And so one rainy night Graves found himself standing in front of the rubble that had been Credence's home with tears in his eyes. If there were any way to stop the weeping he would. He hated them. They were a sign of his never ending weakness. He'd sought to end them in every spell book he could find, but there was no way to mend a broken mind, or even more a broken heart.

"You can't go on like this Percival." He tumbled backward as Tina came out from around a corner and approached him with her hand extended.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed. "Have you been following me?"

"Be angry all you want but you're lucky I have. Who do you think has been keeping you out of trouble?" Tina huffed at him as she tried to lift him off the ground. "Stumbling around the city drunk, chasing ghosts. What would you have done if a cop had picked you up? They would have tossed you in the loony bin. Think of the mess that would have caused."

"You think I care?" He said wobbling as he straightened himself up.

"No, I don't and that's the problem." The frustration evident in her voice. "Here," she said.

He looked down and saw a bundle of papers in her hand. "What is it?"

"A vacation." He laughed at her.

"Take the ticket and go. You can't stay here anymore. It isn't helping you."

"It isn't that simple Tina. I can't just leave. I have responsibilities."

"Oh, because you're doing such a fantastic job of following through with things right now?"

Graves had nothing to counter with. She was right. He wasn't doing his job. He wasn't doing anything besides wallowing in self-loathing and guilt. She walked over to him and cupped his face in both of her hands. "Go and heal. This place is sucking the life from you. Find yourself and come back."

"What if I can't? What if I never find myself?"

"You're Percival Graves. Director of Magical Security. Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. And more importantly a crabby stick in the mud," she laughed softly. "That should be a good place to start."

He smiled at her. Maybe she was right. Maybe getting away from the city would help him. He pulled away. "Who will -"

"Don't worry about anything. Queenie and I will look after your place and we've already worked everything out at work. The only thing you need to do is take the ticket and this suitcase and go."

He reached down and took the bundle of papers and a suitcase that had appeared from her hands. "The ship leaves at 8. I'll come get you."

"No, it's okay. I'll go alone. You've done enough."

"Are you sure? It's really not a problem."

"Thank you, Tina," he whispered.

He left her there on the corner, unsure of when he'd see her again.

\---

He went home to clean up. Standing in front of the mirror he saw how much he'd let himself go. His hair had grown out on the sides and he had a full beard. He decided to just tidy it all up rather than cut and shave it. He put on his finest suit and made his way to the door.

He was hours early, but he had nothing else to do so he waited and watched as the ships rolled in. His ship came in and he boarded without a problem. He was in middle class. The room was tiny but sufficient.

The week passed quickly. With only a few dreams of Grindelwald or Credence.

London was a strange city. He saw many similarities and yet so many differences. The witches and wizards were all very kind to him. It was nice to speak with people without fear and pity clouding every conversation. A young man he'd met gave him the name of a lovely little hotel and told him to go to Diagon Alley when he had the chance.

The man had been right. He stopped in The Leaky Cauldron for a quick lunch and spent the rest of the day exploring the small shops that littered the streets. He examined all the robes and uniforms for Hogwarts in one shop. He thought about all the children who were there. Their whole lives ahead of them. Lives so full of possibility.

A week in the visions started again. Everywhere he turned he saw Credence. But he was different now. Still dressed in all black, but the clothing was different. So was his hair. It was longer. He stood straighter. He looked stronger.

Soon after Credence began to come to him in dreams. Floating over him while he laid in bed. Whispering to him. Night after night it was the same thing. No matter what he said, no matter how much he pleaded it never changed.

When he couldn't take it anymore he went down to The Leaky Cauldron and asked the bartender if he knew of Fair Isle.

"Fair Isle? I think it's in Scotland. You should talk to Matilda over at Globus Mundi Travel. It's right down the alley on your left."

The second he walked in he was almost hit in the face with a stack of 'Visit Indo-China' flyers as they whizzed about the tiny second story room that housed Global Mundi Travel Agents.

He looked around but he didn't see anyone in the office. "Hello?" he called out.

Just then a young witch with lopsided glasses popped out from behind a stack of flyers. "Oh Hello." She smiled at him.

"Matilda?"

"Yes!" she said as she made her away around what appeared to be a desk. "Have we met?"

"No, I got your name from Ludo at The Leaky Cauldron."

The smile spread wider across her face as he spoke. "American... Well then, tell me what I can do for you Mr.-" she said extending her hand.

"Graves. Percival Graves." He took her hand.

"Lovely to meet you, Mr. Graves."

"Can you tell me where Fair Isle is?"

"Fair Isle? That's in Scotland. It's an island off the coast. There are some lovely parts that way."

"Great! Do you think you could help me get there?" His heart was racing. Why had Credence been telling him to go to a Scottish Island?

"I need to get there as quickly as possible." He said grabbing her hands in his. He was clearly going insane. There was no other explanation as to why he would take vacation advice from a figment of his imagination.

"Alright," she said a bit alarmed. "The quickest way is by Portkey. Of course, that will only get you to Edinburgh. After that, you'll either have to fly or apparate."

She pulled her hands away from him and waved her wand around and a flyer that said 'Fair Isle, Scotland' appeared in front of him. "Here's a bit of information about Fair Isle to prepare you for apparating."

"Thank you." He said taking a seat in the only chair in the room.

"Now, I'll need your passport to file the paper work. You'll have to have authorization to use the portkey."

He silently handed over his passport without even looking at her. He was completely focused on his flyer.

"It'll only take a moment." She said opening it. "Oh! Excuse me, Director. I had no idea. I knew you looked familiar, but your hair and the scar..."

She cut herself off when he looked her in the eyes. He didn't know what she saw in his, but it silenced her. Was it the hopelessness he felt? Or the lust for vengeance that was beginning to consume him in recent days?

She finished writing out the papers and then sprinkled something on them that made them burst into flames. Moments later, other papers appeared in their place. She pulled them all into a neat pile with his passport on top and handed them to him.

"Here you are, Director. Have a safe trip."

"Thank you, Matilda." He said taking the papers from her.

"If you need to make return arrangements send us an owl and we'll be happy to help."

\---

The map she gave him was straight forward and he found the portkey easily enough. It ended up being an old food can under a tree in a town just outside of London.

"You've lost it completely," he said to himself as he reached down and touched the can.

Making a hard landing in Edinburgh he remembered why he hated portkeys so much. So much for eating anytime soon. Edinburgh was beautiful, but it was getting dark and he had little time to waste. He concentrated on the bluff near the lighthouse on the flyer in his hand and hoped for the best. It had been a while since he apparated on his own.

Fair Isle, fair indeed. Even in the dark, the view from the bluff was magnificent. He stood near the edge, wind lapping at his hair. "Now what?" he asked himself.

He sensed something approach, but before he had time to react he'd somehow been transported into what looked like a cottage. It looked well lived in. There was an unmade bed in the corner and a small fire burning in the fireplace. Nowhere to be found was the person or thing that had brought him.

"Show yourself!" he shouted. "Come out. Come out into the light!"

A shadow moved in the far corner of the room and Graves pulled out his wand. "If you're gonna try and kill me you better get to it."

The figure moved into the light and made Graves back into the wall behind him and drop his wand.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Credence said in a soft voice.

"You're not real." Graves choked out, squeezing his eyes shut and quickly opening them. "You're dead."

"Mr. Graves, if I was dead how could I do this," Credence answered as he took Graves' hand in his own.

Graves was shaking. His eyes fixed on their hands. He felt the solidness of it. The heat radiating from Credence's hand. "It can't be... this... you."

"It can and it is." Credence responded simply.

"How?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Why? Why did you bring me here?" Graves asked, taking his hand away and wiping his eyes.

"Because I wanted to see you. I wanted to look into your eyes."

"How can you stand to look at me? Why would you want to?"

"They're different," Credence said moving to stand closer to him. Graves flinched. Their faces were so close he could feel Credence's breath against his cheek.

"They're the same as they've always been." Graves whispered. Credence cupped his face and forced him to look into his eyes.

"I see you, Percival Graves." Graves let out a strangled sigh and pressed his face into Credence's hand.

"What do you see?" he asked, desperation lacing every word.

"The man I first met a year ago." Credence let go and moved to tend the fire, turning his back to Graves. When he finished he took a seat in front of it. He'd been standing there for at least 5 minutes and the silence was beginning to unnerve him.

Graves walked over and with great effort sat down next to him. Once he was seated Credence looked over at him quizzingly. "Can't you fix that leg?"

"They did."

"Hmm," Credenced responded in a disbelieving tone. He turned to face Graves and Graves did the same.

Just like it did every time he was near Credence, his heart began to race. Credence reached out and ran his fingers across the scar on his face. Graves remained as still as possible. "And this? Did they 'fix' this too?"

"There are some scars, not even magic can heal." Graves said in a hushed tone, looking down at the marks that littered Credence's hands.

Credence leaned in and kissed the small bit of scar that wasn't covered by his beard. He was sure his heart had stopped. It was a chaste kiss, but wonderful and more than Graves ever thought Credence was capable of giving. He wasn't the same person Graves had met standing on a cold New York street. He was different. There was a power surging around him now.

Credence pulled away with a smile on his face. "The hair and the beard... I don't like it." Graves gave him a small, but genuine smile.

"You don't look like my Mr. Graves." Credence gave his beard a little tug.

"I'll see what I can do about it." he quickly retorted. "And please no more 'mister'."

"There'll be plenty of time, Percival."

Credence turned back to face the fire while Graves watched him, completely mesmerized by the younger man. He was still a bit unsure if he was truly sitting next to Credence or if his mind had finally broken beyond repair.

After a while, Credence turned Graves to face the fire. He wrapped his arm around Graves' arm and rested his head against his shoulder. A feeling of warmth, that had nothing to do with the fire, spread through him. He turned and kissed the top of Credence's head.

Percival Graves was many things, but a fool wasn't one of them. He couldn't pretend that things were okay. There were so many unanswered questions. So many wounds left unhealed. But perhaps here, on this small secluded island, they could find themselves in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome! I encourage it! Let me know what you think! :)


	2. Sempre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few little vignettes of their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events don't necessarily go in order. Also, Grindelwald's escape is inevitable and probably affects this timeline. But I'm choosing to ignore it because my mind is telling me both of them would somehow get sucked into that disaster and I'm not ready for them to lose what they've got going.
> 
> \---
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the kind words people have left in the comments and the kudos! It means a lot to me.
> 
> Enjoy!

_"The boy still won't tell me anything. Tell me how to get that sniveling little wretch to talk to me!" Grindelwald shouted down at Graves._  
  
_He hit him again with the cruciatus curse and Graves convulsed in his small, cramped prison. Hitting his head on the wall._  
  
_"I've been healing him, stroking him. What else does he want?!" Graves tried to tune him out. Listening to him speak of Credence only made him ill._  
  
_"And you! Your rigid adherence to those stupid laws is slowing me down. Then there's that pesky Goldstein. I might have to just get rid of her for good."_  
  
_Graves had learned that it was best to ignore him completely, especially when he was on a rant. Any reaction from him would just set Grindelwald off. It was a fairly slow night. And the amount of torture seemed less. He did his best to be invisible._  
  
_"Ahhhhh!!" Graves shouted as he felt hair being ripped from his head._  
  
  
Graves shot up in bed, breathing heavy and covered in sweat, despite the coldness of the Scottish December night.  
  
He turned to look over at Credence. Thankful he he hadn't woken the younger man up. Credence was sleeping on his side. The covers pooled at his waist. His hand outstretched as though he had been touching Graves.  
  
He was so incredibly beautiful. Pale skin glowing in the moonlight.  
  
Graves slowly and carefully moved to sit at the edge of the bed. Pulling the covers across his lap. He put on his robe and went to stand at the window.   
  
"Come back to bed," Credence called out to him a few minutes later. Eyes still closed.  
  
Graves made his way over to their bed. He sat down next to Credence and ran his hand down his bare back.  
  
"Hmmmm.....I'm cold," Credence whispered.  
  
With a wave of his hand the fire roared full flame. Graves moved to lay down behind him and kiss the soft skin of Credence's shoulder. "Better, darling?"  
  
Credence turned over onto his back and pulled the covers over Graves. He looked up at him with a sleepy smile on his face.  
  
"Thank you, but there are better ways to warm me up." Credence's eyes sparkled with suggestion as his hands untied the knot to Graves robe.  
  
That side of Credence always threw him, but he loved it. Graves leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his lips. A kiss which was rapidly becoming more and more passionate as Credence licked his way into Graves' mouth.  
  
He was still haunted by nightmares, but Credence was doing everything he could to drive them from his mind.  
  
\---  
  
The months he'd spent in Scotland with Credence had been undeniably wonderful. Two months in a young man named Newt came by.  
  
They had been out for a walk when Credence saw the man and took off running full speed, throwing himself into the man's arms. He'd been uncontrollably jealous. But once he got to know Newt he realized he had nothing to worry about.  
  
Newt, apparently, had been helping Credence adjust to and control his power. While also keeping him a secret. He had made it very clear that while he was happy they were helping one another Graves' presence there was a great risk.  
  
Graves knew Newt was right. He'd come to the same conclusion a while ago. Credence not so subtly let them know that Graves was going nowhere. He wouldn't allow it.  
  
Newt backed down without much of a fight. It seemed more of a test than anything else. He did, however, ask for the names of anyone who may have known where Graves was. He tried not to dwell on that for too long.  
  
Newt only stayed for a few days. At first, Graves questioned where they would put him in their small cottage. Although it had doubled in size since Graves used a few expansion charms, it was still only a single room, not counting the bathroom and their bedroom. Credence had been thrilled by the additions and begged Graves to show him how to use the spell.  
  
"All I require is a corner for my case," he told Graves holding the beat up looking suitcase in front of him.  
  
Graves took one look at it and a flash of darkness filled his mind. He stumbled backwards into a table. Seeing the looks of concern and confusion on Credence and Newt's faces, he turned and walked out of the house, embarrassed by his reaction.  
  
Newt found him sitting on the remnants of an old stone wall not too far from the house. "I'm sorry, Percival. I wasn't thinking."  
  
"It's okay," he said by rote.  
  
"Somehow I get the feeling you say that quite often," Newt answered. A small smirk on his face.  
  
Graves didn't speak. He wasn't sure what to even say.  
  
"How are you doing? Honestly?" Newt asked.  
  
"I'm not sure. Fine, I guess... Being with him, with Credence helps. When he looks at me, he's happy, I think. He doesn't flinch. He doesn't judge me. It's selfish I know, but I need that. He sees -ME- and I need that."  
  
"He cares for you, dare I say, loves you." Graves was simultaneously ecstatic and terrified by Newts words.  
  
"When we told him what had become of you, he became obsessed. He was fixated on any scrap of news detailing your recovery."  
  
Newt sat down next to him. "I tried to keep him from reaching out to you. I didn't think seeing you would help his recovery. He'd never seen Grindelwald in true form. I feared he'd never be able to separate you both. But as always he's proven everything I thought to be wrong. Having you here has been a benefit. I see great improvement since I last saw him. He seems more settled."  
  
"I worry about him, I worry about myself, I worry about being discovered. Being cut off like this has been helping me, but some nights I lay awake worrying about what's going on out there. I've found my own piece of paradise, but how long before the world comes spilling into it? How long can something this good last?"  
  
"We can only control what is within our grasp. There's no use in worrying about what hasn't happened yet. Don't suffer more than need be. Enjoy what you have right now. Don't waste it."  
  
"I'm trying. I really am. I want to be the man he thinks I am. I want to be good enough." The desperation was clear in his voice.  
  
"No one is expecting you to forget and move on after everything that happened."  Graves gave him a look of disbelief and Newt let out a small laugh.  
  
"I suppose that's not entirely true. There are those of us, however, who'd like to help in any way possible."  
  
"Like who?"  
  
"Albus Dumbledore."  
  
"Why would Albus Dumbledore want to help me?" Graves asked skeptically.  
  
"He's a good man. He tries his best to help those he can. And Credence may have asked repeatedly... before you came."  
  
"Credence knows Dumbledore?" Graves was surprised. Credence had never mentioned that to him.  
  
"Percival, I'm humbled by your opinion of my skills. While I am an adequate wizard, helping Credence to the level required was and is beyond my abilities. Albus is the real healer."  
  
"Oh. I guess that makes sense. He is renowned. But I don't really know what he could do for me. I can control my abilities."  
  
"Ultimately it's up to you, but it couldn't hurt to talk to him. You might be surprised."  
  
The morning Newt left Credence was sad to see him go. He clung to him, asking if he could find the time to stay.  
  
"I'd love to stay with you and Percival. You've made a lovely home for yourselves, but I've been called to Egypt. There something massive moving in the dunes outside a small village and the people are frightened."  
  
After promises to write about what he found and to visit as soon as possible Newt made his way to Graves.  
  
"It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Percival." They shook hand and Newt placed a small Hogwarts emblem in his hand.  
  
"If you change your mind. You can use that to alert Dumbledore and he'll send an owl."  
  
"Thank you, for everything you've done for us Newt. I could never repay you."  
  
"There's no need. I'm always happy to help friends."  
  
And just as quickly as he came, Newt was gone.  
  
\---  
  
It was a nice change to have a guest, to entertain. Credence was a natural. Graves loved to watch him whip around the cottage, talking a mile a minute. Laughing all the while.  
  
The first time he heard Credence laugh he'd almost dropped everything he was holding. He'd never heard a more beautiful sound and he was positive he never would.  
  
For all the excitement that Newt brought with him each time he visited. They loved to be alone. They had found a comfortable routine. It was a simple life. Far different from the one he used to live, but a good life just the same.  
  
They had a few chickens, two cows, a whole mess of sheep, and a decent sized garden out back. Growing up in the city neither one of them really knew what they were doing, but they were fast learners and a few books later they were quite proud of themselves.  
  
Their days were filled with gardening and taking care of the animals. And their evenings spent inside cooking, reading, and talking amongst other more gratifying activities.    
  
"Could we get a horse?" Credence asked one night. He knew Credence had been sitting on a question all day.  
  
"A horse?"  
  
"Yeah. I've always wanted one but obviously, it wasn't a possibility. But now it is." He said with a hopeful look in his eyes.  
  
Graves didn't want to be the one to squash his dream. In fact, he normally catered to Credence's every whim. They were so far and few between that he really couldn't find a reason to say no. But a horse. They were barely going to make it through winter. They would survive, but another animal meant another mouth to feed.  
  
Graves got out of his seat and walked over to Credence. He grabbed him by the hips and kissed him. "I'm sorry darling, but a horse is another mouth to feed and we can't manage that right now."  
  
Credence's shoulders slumped for a second but came back up just as quickly. "How about a dog? She could help with the sheep?" he said with a twinkle in his eyes. There was no need for him to answer Credence already knew he'd won. A dog wasn't a terrible idea and they did eat considerably less than horses.  
  
"We'll look into it in the morning." A big smile spread across Credence's face.  
  
The music playing on their radio changed and Credence pushed Graves into the middle of the room. Graves laughed as Credence wrapped his arms around his neck and they began to sway to the song. “You love to dance.”  
  
_I'll be loving you, always_  
_With a love that's true, always_  
  
“I love music. I was never allowed to listen to it before and now I never want to stop.” He answered.

 _When the things you've planned_  
_Need a helping hand_  
  
“Play all the music you want.” Graves pulled Credence closer and rested their foreheads together. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You saved me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I only hope I can be the man you deserve.” Credence kissed him softly and then looked into his eyes.  
  
_I will understand_  
_Always, always_  
  
“I see you, Percival Graves.”  
  
_Days may not be fair, always_  
_That's when I'll be there, always_  
  
“I see you, Credence Barebone.”  
  
_Not for just an hour_  
_Not for just a day_  
  
“I see you and I love you, Percival.”  
  
_Not for just a year_  
_But always_  
  
“I see you and I love you, Credence. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Leave comments and let me know what you think! :)


	3. Obscuro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All couples fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, these boys keep talking to me and I'll keep writing as long as they do! 
> 
> They clearly don't want me to get anything else done. :)

The day had turned into a disaster. Pity because it had started out so well. They had gone into the village to get a few things. It was nice to see other people every once in awhile, even if they were no-majs. Their life of secrecy meant they couldn't step foot near any magical village. 

But as nice as it was going to the village, it always coaused problems. Simply being drew more attention to them than Graves liked. For one, they were Americans living on a tiny Scottish island. Secondly, they were homosexuals. A punishable offense by no-maj laws. 

Credence had little fear, which was a big change that made Graves happy, but it was also part of the problem. Many times as they walked along the roads Credence tried to take his hand and each time Graves had to shake free. He wasn't ashamed of what or who he was. But he was cautious. He was trying to live as quietly as possible. Even reducing the amount of magic he used. 

Graves stormed into the cottage with Credence hot on his trail. He went straight into their bedroom and slammed the door shut.

A few moments later Credence barged through the door, angrier than Graves had ever seen him.

"Don't walk away from me. Why are you trying to fight with me?" He shouted. 

"Trying to fight? Darling I'm trying to avoid a fight."

Credence laughed. Graves didn't like this one. This laugh was laced with venom. 

"So I'm the bad one... again!" He spat at him. "I'm always wrong, no matter what I do!"

The was a loud crash from somewhere outside the room. A storm was coming. Perfect, the sheep hadn't been brought in yet. He sighed and ran his hands up and down his face. Graves pushed his way passed Credence and back into the main room. Credence followed. 

"Don't put words in my mouth Credence." Graves said. "Let's just put this behind us."

"Stop treating me like a child! I have the right to be heard! You can't just shut me up whenever you want! I'm not your toy!"

Something in him snapped and he turned to face the younger man. He'd never treated Credence in any of the ways he'd just described. "Oh, I heard you Credence! Half the God damn town heard you!"

The rumbling outside got worse. 

"You just couldn't leave well enough alone could you?!" Graves shouted at him. 

"Well one of us had to do something! And since you were too busy being a coward I had to!" Credence countered. 

"Oh and I suppose you think you were brave for what you did?!" 

"I am," Credence said straightening up with his head held high. 

Graves huffed. "You're a fool. You think you did something good for us? In our honor? You only made it worse! I apologized for pushing you and I meant it! I don't want to fight with you anymore." He turned and headed towards the front door. 

"Don't walk away from me Percival." Credence's voice sent a shiver down Graves' spine. 

"Or what Credence? Huh? What are you going to do?" He said standing his ground. 

Credence rushed towards Graves and slammed him against the door. Everything in the cottage was beginning to rattle. Credence's eyes glazed over and turned white. A current was starting to pick up around him. Graves arms were forced over his head and pinned to the door. He had no idea what to expect. They were both breathing heavy, their hearts racing.

The second Credence's lips touched his he felt like he was kissing pure energy. It was nothing like any they'd previously shared. There was fire in this kiss. It was then Graves realized there was no storm. It was all Credence.

They broke apart and Credence looked up into his eyes. "Let me go, Credence," Graves said in a fevered tone. 

Credence's lips were puffy and a bright red. It only made him want him more. Graves tried to lean down again to kiss him, but Credence had another idea. He tore open Graves' shirt, leaving a trail of angry little bites down his neck and chest, before dropping to his knees. 

"Credence..." Graves moaned, lust clouding his mind. Credence began to undo his belt. "Oh God! Please, I need to feel you." 

Graves' arms fell from the door. He reached down and pulled Credence to his feet. Graves lifted him off the ground and pressed him against the door. Credence wrapped his legs around Graves' waist as he was pulled into another kiss. 

They broke apart panting wildly. Credence frantically pulled off his shirt as Graves spun them around and headed towards the table. As they approached it everything on it went flying across the room. They heard a few plates shatter but they couldn't be bothered to care. 

"Take these off," Graves said laying Credence down across the table and undoing his belt. 

They made quick work of removing the rest of their clothing. "Come here," Credence said pulling Graves down towards him. 

Graves looked down at the ethereal beauty in front of him. Pale skin flushed red with need. If he had a thousand lifetimes to share with Credence it wouldn't be enough. There was no amount of time long enough. 

 

They were laying down on the rug in front of the fire, a thin blanket spread across them. Credence's head was resting on Graves. He was drawing little swirls on the older man's chest with his finger. 

"I'm sorry...." Credence said softly. 

"For what? Destroying the cottage or that mess in the village?" Graves was teasing. Credence could hear it in his voice. 

"I won't apologize for confronting those small minded ingrates. But I am sorry about all this." Credence said waving his hand around, a smile on his face. The cottage looked like a tornado had torn through it. "You can fix all of it right? It's so frustrating that I can't seem to manage any basic spells."

"I can. That's not the problem Credence. We need to talk about what happened in the village." 

The younger man shot up instantly. "No Percival." 

Graves moved to kiss Credence along his spine and up to the back of his neck. "Darling, I'm not angry that you stood up for us, for yourself. Nothing makes me happier than to see how far you've come. But we have to be careful. You won't ever change anyone's mind, especially not with violence."

Credence reached behind him to run his fingers through Graves' hair. He leaned back into him. "They made me so angry. You're the only good thing I've ever had in my life. Hearing them say those things about you, about us. I lost control."

"Those men are nothing. It doesn't matter what any of them say. I love you all the same. I know it's difficult and you have a long way to go, but you have to try harder. We can't do the things we normally do when we're in town."

"I won't pretend to be something I'm not. I won't hide, not anymore. I am not ashamed."

"Neither am I. Never of you. Of us. I'm the luckiest man in the world. But I had to obliviate half the town. I can't keep doing things like that. The more magic we use the greater the risk of being discovered becomes. Powerful wizards are able to sense where magic has been used, especially at the scale that we did. I can't risk it my love."

Graves wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man. "I'm sorry," he whispered in a small voice that reminded Graves of the boy he once was. It made his heart ache. 

"Credence. I can't lose you. If they come, I'll kill anyone who tries to take you from me. I'd give my life before I let him touch you."

Graves buried his face in Credence's neck. "I can protect myself you know." He laughed as the older man dug his fingers into his sides and growled into his neck. "But I understand. You know I'd do the same."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you like it. If you did I'd love a comment!


	4. Benedictio et Maledictio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storms is brewing on the island.

A storm had been raging for days without any signs of letting up. It was the worst storm the island had seen in a long time according to the locals. 

They hadn't been sure what to expect, but lucky for them a kind old woman who owned the bakery in town gave them advice. She was the only no-maj worth anything at all. 

"City boys, if they make it through one more night I'd be shocked." Mrs. Clark mumbled under her breath as she packed loaves of bread into a basket. 

"I can hear you, you know." Graves said with a smile on his face.

"You were meant to!"

Credence laughed from his seat at her kitchen table. 

"You're a bad influence on this one." She said patting Credence's cheek. 

"How do you know I'm not the bad influence?" Credence asked. 

She looked over at Graves and he tried his most innocent expression. "Ha!"

"You should make an honest man out of that one. Might help with his attitude." She said to Credence with a wink. 

"Now you're just having a go at me." Graves said as he put the last nail in the cabinet he'd been fixing for her. 

"You know we can't. But if we could...." Credence said catching Graves' eyes and smiling fondly at him.

"And why can't you?"

"No one would allow it. Not anywhere," Graves answered sadly.

"Marriage is a sacred bond between you, your husband and God. And no one else. You don't have to go to church. It's about more than just some building. God doesn't only live in the stones that form the walls. What matters is the love you share. And the commitment you make to stand by one another no matter what comes your way."

They were stunned. They didn't know what to say. While they weren't openly hated in the wizarding community as they were in the no-maj community, Graves never thought he'd hear those words come out of anyone's mouth. 

Credence got up and wrapped Mrs. Clark in a tight hug. "Oh, come now," she said patting his back. 

"You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that."

"Especially when everything you just said is frowned upon... well everywhere. Not to mention illegal." Graves added.

"What are you? A solicitor?" She said giving him a questioning look. "I've been through too much, seen too much to deny anyone else their happiness. Blessed are those who find any happiness in this dreary world."

Graves walked over and kissed her temple. "Mary Clark, you are without equal."

"I'm also old and tired," she said pushing them towards the door. "It's time for you two to be on your way. Be safe and don't forget the bread!"

"Thank you, Mrs. Clark." Credence said kissing her cheek. 

The rain was coming down heavy and they'd have to find a dark corner before Graves could apparate them to the cottage.

"If you make it through the storm they'll be pastries waiting for you!" she called after them waving. 

They waved back at her and hurried along the road.

Even with the short trip, they were drenched by the time they got home. The second they walked in the door their collie pup came barreling towards them

"Alright, alright Maggie. Sit!" Graves said trying to keep from falling over as she ran around his feet. 

"A little help darling?" he asked.

Credence just laughed and walked over to the fireplace to re-light it. It was one of the only spells he managed to work. Having gotten little attention from Graves, Maggie went to Credence. 

"Hello, beautiful. Is Papa ignoring you?" he said scratching her behind the ears. "That's okay. You'll always have me." He gave her a kiss on the head. 

He turned around to find Graves standing in nothing but his drawers shaking out his hair. "Mrs. Clark was wrong. I think you're the bad influence Maggie," Credence said with a laugh. 

Graves shot them a dirty look before walking over and twisting a finger in Credence's wet hair. Graves leaned down and kissed him. 

"Take those clothes off and hang them by the fire. I'm going to bed. You coming?"

"I'm gonna read for a bit."

"Don't be too long." He ran his hand over Maggie's head as she took a seat at Credence's feet. "Goodnight Maggie. I'm leaving you in charge." 

"Hey!" Credence exclaimed.

 

A loud crack of thunder awoke Graves. He turned to find Credence's side empty and cold. The house was too quiet. He jumped out of bed and scrambled to put clothes on. He ran out into the main room to find the fire almost dead, the front door open, no Maggie and no Credence. 

Every horrible nightmare he'd ever had came flooding into his mind. "Credence?!"

Graves ran outside, the rain pelting down on him. "Credence!" he shouted. He was trying to keep himself together but every fiber of his being was spiraling into panic. Had they come for him? Had they taken his Credence?

He spun in a circle, trying to make anything out in the pitch blackness. Then he heard Maggie barking. She wasn't that far away. Graves took off running. He found her in an open field. Barking at something in the air. As he got closer he realized it was Credence. He was frozen mid air, palms facing upward. 

"Oh God! Credence!" he shouted over the storm. If he could hear him Credence showed no sign of it. His eyes were open, but Graves wasn't sure if he was even conscious. 

No matter how much he shouted there was no response. He reached up and grabbed Credence's foot. The second he did he went flying backward. It felt like he'd been struck by lightening. But it seemed to snap the younger man out of whatever trance he was in. 

He came over to Graves and kneeled over his chest. For a moment he'd been relieved until Credence started hitting him. 

"Credence stop!" He shouted trying to protect his face. "Stop!"

"You're vile. You're disgusting! Everything you touch rots. You're poison!"

This couldn't be his lover. It wasn't possible, but the words cut him all the same. "My darling, it's me... your Percival."

His pleas did nothing to stop Credence. "Forgive me, my love," Graves said before he punched Credence in the face as hard as he could. 

The impact sent Credence backward. It seems to snap him out completely. Graves got up, attempting to move over the wet grass to get to him but Credence slid away from him as he approached. "It's me. It's Percival."

"Percival?" Credence had a look of fear and confusion on his face. A look Graves had hoped he'd never have to see again. He looked up at Graves squinting. "You're bleeding..."

Another round of thunder and lightning startled Credence. He turned and looked off in the distance. "There was something out there. I felt it."

Graves tried to keep a neutral look on his face, but the younger man's words frightened him to his core. He kneeled down next Credence and took him into his arms. As he began to stand he felt him go limp. "Credence? Credence? Listen to me. You hold on. I'm going to get help."

Graves raced back to the cottage as quickly as he could manage. Maggie following close behind. Once in the cottage he placed Credence down on the sofa and raced over to a chest on their dresser. He spilled the contents out all over the floor searching for a particular item. The Hogwarts emblem Newt had left behind. Graves turned in over in his hands and prayed to whoever was listening that Dumbledore would understand. 

Graves went back over to Credence and used a drying spell on his clothes and another to start the fire. Credence's cheek was begining to purple where Graves had struck him. That twisted his stomach. He hated himself for doing that.

Graves felt like he had been waiting for hours, but really it couldn't have been that long. There was a loud thud outside. The door swung open and there in their tiny little cabin stood Albus Dumbledore. 

"Percival this is highly irregular." He said. Taking one look at his battered face and Credence on the sofa Dumbledore's features softened. "What happened?"

Graves spent the next hour recounting everything they'd done that day to Dumbledore, hoping the man could find some clue or sign he'd missed. All the while Dumbledore sat next to Credence 'reading' him or something. 

"He's fine Percival. He expelled an incredible amount of magic. He's exhausted. He needs to rest." It was a relieve to hear. Maggie, seeming to understand finally retired from her guard's post at the end of the sofa in favor of lying down in her bed. 

"What about what he said? He said he felt something out there."

"That I'm afraid is more concerning. I felt no one when I came but that hardly means anything. I'll have to go back and see what I can find out. In the meanwhile, I believe it would be wise to add a few more concealment charms and perhaps extending the perimeter."

Dumbledore stood up and extended his hand to Graves. "Thank you. Thank you for coming."

"You did the right thing calling. Take care of him and I'll send an owl as soon as I have any information." 

Graves was seated at the table, lost somewhere between consciousness and dreams when the sun had begun to rise. At some point, the storm had broken. 

"Percival?" the sound of his name brought him back. He rushed over nearly tripping over Maggie to get to Credence. 

"Your face..." Credence said reaching out to touch him. 

"Don't worry darling. I've had much worse." He sat down and took Credence into his arms. "How are you feeling?" 

"Guilty. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh..." Graves whispered, kissing the top of his head.

"Do you remember what you felt out there?"

"I'm not sure."

"I've increased the concealment and the protection charms to be safe."

"Percival.... I don't think there was anyone else out there. I think it may have just been me. I fell asleep in my chair and I woke up when I heard a voice calling me outside. But it was my voice. Maybe I've been too relaxed. I haven't been keeping up with all the things Dumbledore and Newt have told me to do as well as I should have."

"Maybe..." Graves was unsure.

"You've never seen what I can do, you weren't there in the city. Don't underestimate this power I have. Or overestimate my control." Credence said wringing his hands together. 

"Whatever it is, we'll take care of it. I promise." He figured it best not to tell Credence just yet that Dumbledore had paid them a visit. There was no need to worry him more than necessary. 

"I don't want to leave here Percival. This is our home. I want to stay." Credence said a look of desperation and sadness in his eyes. 

"I wish I could make that promise to you darling but it would be a lie. There may come a day when we have to leave." A tear ran down Credence's cheek. 

"These are just four walls. Home is wherever you and I are together. Always remember that." Graves told him.

Credence turned to face him. "My dark knight, what would I do without you?" 

"Be much safer I imagine."

"Why can you never take a compliment?" Credence said a bit frustrated.

"Because I don't deserve them."

"Now that's a lie," he said kissing Graves. "You're a good man. Whether you believe it or not."

Credence looked out the window with a smile on his face. "We made it through the storm. Looks like Mrs. Clark owes us some pastries."

Graves smiled and agreed with him. He replayed the words Newt had once told him over in his head, "Don't suffer more than need be." He'd take whatever came their way head on, but for now he was going to enjoy whatever time they had together. 

"We'll have to go collect them. One point for the 'silly Americans'." 

"Not just Americans. We're New Yorkers. It'd take a lot more than that to bring us down right?"

"Absolutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry too much. The boys are okay. Just remember recovery isn't a linear experience. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! :)


	5. Felicitas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! 
> 
> Here's an early present. Finals are coming to an end, but the Holidays are fast approaching so I may be gone while I celebrate, but I didn't want to leave you empty handed.

Somehow, despite all their planning, winter had caught up to them. Graves hated to admit it, but he was unprepared for the reality of it. He'd grown up with every comfort the no-maj and wizarding world could afford. 

Credence, on the other hand, knew exactly what they had to do. A barn for the animals, proper storage for the food, and wood for the fire. It pained him to listen to Credence talk about the best ways to keep warm. He tried not to think of how many freezing cold nights Credence had endured to learn what was needed. 

Graves contributed brute force and magic. Credence's being shaky at best, with only an eighth of his spells turning out more than goo or chaos. 

"Percival, what are you doing?" Credence said, hugging Graves from behind as he sat at the kitchen table. 

Graves sighed and ran his hand over his face. "Looking over the food lists again."

Credence pulled Graves up by his arms and led him to the sofa. He shoved him down and straddled him. "We'll be fine. You've gone over them a thousand times." He leaned down and kissed him. 

"They aren't going to multiply in the cupboard..." Credence pulled back, his eyes going wide. "They aren't right?!"

Graves laughed. The younger man still had a lot to learn about magic. "I'm afraid not. It doesn't work that way."

Credence frowned. "Pity." He moved himself to rest his head on Graves' shoulder. He absent-mindedly ran a finger along the scar on Graves' face. 

"You do that in your sleep." Graves said in a casual tone.

"Do what? Touch your face?"

"The scar."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize darling. It's oddly soothing." 

"Do you think you'll get rid of it?" Credence said sitting up to look at him.

"No. Even if it were possible. No."

"Why?" The confusion was clear on Credence's face. 

"Because it's mine. It happened to me and I survived." 

Scars littered Credence's body. Scars that no matter how much Graves' had tried would not go away. And so instead every night Graves' kissed as many as he could. He was determined to change the way Credence felt about them.

"You are an incredible man."

"I'm not, Credence. I'm just a man. A deeply flawed man."

Credence sighed and quickly leaned down to kiss Graves again. "One day. I'll say it and you'll accept it." 

"But for now, my love. I have to go." Credence got up and rushed to the door putting on his coat, scarf, hat, and mittens. 

"Where are you off to in this weather?" Graves asked.

Credence had been disappearing for quite some time now. Everytime Graves asked the younger man gave him the runaround. At first, his insecurities ate away at him. It took everything in him not to follow Credence. At his lowest moments, when his jealousy was at its highest, he told himself it was the aura in him and not the broken man who was afraid of being left alone that made the desire so strong. 

He'd spent the whole time fighting himself. In his heart, he knew Credence would never betray him. It was a new feeling. He'd never let himself get this close to someone before. The fear of being hurt or even worse hurting another person was immense. He'd seen how people who claimed to love one another could tear each other apart. But then Credence would come back, cheeks red from the cold wind and a smile on his face. Looking at him like he was the only thing that existed in the whole world and Graves would feel relief and then guilt. 

"Into town. I'll be back soon."

\---

Graves shivered as he cleared the last of the snow to make a path around their home. The snow kept coming and coming and by the time he was finished there was more snow on him then on the ground. As horrid as it was to clear snow, what awaited him inside made it worth it. 

He walked into a warm inviting room, the sweet and spicy smell of something baking in the air and a kettle whistling. Credence was seated in his chair by the fire reading. He looked up at Graves when he heard the door open. He took one look at Graves and laughed. 

He got up and made his way over to Graves with a smile on his face. "Cold?"

Graves gave him a dirty look. "Very funny."

Credence helped him get out of his wet clothes and wrapped him in a blanket. "Go sit by the fire. I'll bring you some tea. Are you hungry? I'm heating up a stew." 

Graves sat down on the floor in front of the fire. He crawled close to warm his hands as Credence poured tea. "What are you doing down there?"

He opened the blanket wrapped around him and beckoned Credence to him. "Come warm me up."

Credence placed the tea near the fire and slotted himself between Graves' legs. The older man immediately pressed his nose to the back of Credence's head. "The cottage looks wonderful. You did a great job decorating."

"With your help." Credence answered, looking at the garland that hung across the fireplace and at the Christmas tree in the corner. 

Graves had all but forgotten about Christmas until Mrs. Clark asked him what he'd gotten Credence. He'd been mortified to say nothing as of yet. Presents, another thing he wasn't used to. He'd asked her in a panic for help. All he'd gotten out of her was to think with his heart. Which was no help at all because Credence already owned that. 

That night he'd come home and asked Credence if he'd like to decorate. There was nothing greater than the look of happiness that spread across Credence's face at the suggestion. He'd told Graves he never decorated before and so he tried to make everything as elaborate and beautiful as their resources and magic would allow. 

The one thing Credence had asked be magic free was the decorating of the tree. Credence had made beautiful ornaments out of paper and wire. All he wanted was for them to put them on by hand. Of course, Graves cheated a bit and added some twinkling lights and a glowing star at the top. Credence had loved it too much to complain. 

"Oh, my pie!" Credence said leaping up from Graves' embrace. 

He watched as the younger man hurried to the oven and pulled out a delicious smelling pie. Winter was tedious and in their boredom they'd taken up a few new hobbies. And while Graves excelled at making stews and soups, Credence found his strength in baking. 

Graves got up and walked over to Credence, reaching over him to break off a piece of the pie's crust. "Don't you dare." Credence said, slapping his hand away. "That's for after supper."

"But it's only lunch." Graves whined a bit. Credence raised an eyebrow at him. "You've spoiled me, darling. I'm afraid you've created a monster."

"A pie eating monster?"

Graves ripped off a piece of bread and dipped it into the pot of stew. He smiled at Credence with a mouth full of food. Credence rolled his eyes and began pulling bowls out of the cupboards. It would be ready soon. 

"You're not eating at my table in your long johns. Go put some clothes on." Credence said swatting Graves' behind. 

"Yes, sir!" Graves laughed as he made his way into their bedroom. 

"Did I tell you Mrs. Clark has invited us over for dinner on Christmas Eve?"

"No, you didn't darling, but it sounds like a great idea. Did you say yes?" Graves asked.

"Of course I did. I'd be terrified to do anything else." Credence laughed as they sat down at the table. 

\---

Christmas Eve came quickly. Mrs. Clark had told them not to "get all fancy" or bring anything, but they had decided to do both. They had spent the entire week before trying to figure out what to give her. In the end, Graves sacrificed a pair of his best cuff links to make a pair of earrings for her. 

"I thought we were going to use less magic." Credence said as Graves apparated them into town.

"The food would have frozen, along with us." Graves answered.

"Stop fidgeting." Graves told Credence as they waited for Mrs. Clark to answer the door. "You look amazing."

Graves had tailored one of his suits for Credence. He had protested the entire time, but Graves wasn't having any of it. Still, Credence couldn't seem to get comfortable in it.

"Well, aren't you the finest pair I've ever seen." Mrs. Clark said answering the door.

They both leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.  
"Merry Christmas," they said in unison. 

She led them inside her home. She looked down at the box in Graves' hand and the plate of food in Credence's.

"I thought I said not to bring anything." she said as she took the plate from him. 

"It's not anything. It's one little gift and a small plate of stuffed potatoes."

"You two never listen," she said leading them to the table. "Go sit and I'll bring out the food."

"Please, Mrs. Clark, let me help." Credence said standing up.

"Absolutely not! You're guests in my home. Now sit down and enjoy this delicious meal I slaved over all day."

She made her way back and forth from the kitchen a few time before she sat down with them at the table. It was an incredible meal. Ham, roasted vegetables, fresh rolls, and their potatoes. Graves couldn't wait to eat. He reached out to grab a roll and had his hand slapped away. 

"Not before grace." Mrs. Clark hissed.

"Thank you, Lord Almighty for all you have given us. Our health, a warm roof over our heads, food, friendship and love. Amen."

"Amen." Credence whispered. 

"Let's begin!" she said with a smile on her face. 

"I hope you like the potatoes Mary, Credence and I worked very hard."

"Boiled and fried potatoes did you?" she said with a smirk on her face. She took one and bit into it. "They're delicious boys. Very well done."

Dinner went smoothly. The food was delicious and the company was superb. After they finished they sat in Mrs. Clark's living room, enjoying a brandy or two. Graves could have gone for a few more, but the look Credence gave him told him he'd regret it later. 

"Here," she said pushing a few presents in front of them. "Don't go getting your hopes up because they aren't anything fancy or new even, but I figured you'd get some use out of them."

Graves sat back and let Credence open them. The first was a large knit blanket for their bed and the next two were boxes of well-made pots and pans. Credence gasped. 

"Mary, we can't take these." Graves told her.

"You most certainly will!" 

"We couldn't. Mrs. Clark these are-" Credence countered. 

"I'm alone. I have no use for all these. You take them. It would make me feel better knowing someone's getting some use out of them."

"Thank you, Mary. For the pots and the blanket. It's more than we deserve."

"We have something for you." Credence said happily, handing the small package over to her. They both waited in anticipation for her reaction.

"Oh," she gasped. "They're beautiful." The earrings were simple circles with garnet gems in the center. Graves wished he were better at crafting jewelry, but she seemed to love them all the same. 

"Thank you, boys," she said as she wiped tears from her eyes. "Can't wait to wear these to the opera!" she said in a sarcastic tone.

They let out a laugh. After a few more stories and another brandy each, they said their goodnights and made their way home with their hands full of gifts.

Credence swayed as they enter the cottage. "Easy there darling." Graves said as he stopped the younger man from toppling over. "I shouldn't have let you have so much brandy."

With all their gifts safely on the table, Credence  spun around and wrapped his arms around Graves' neck. His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. Graves leaned up to kiss him. 

"Shouldn'thaveletyouhavesomuch," Credence said into his mouth. Graves pulled away. 

"Don't think I didn't see how many you had Percival." 

"I know, I know." Graves said looking away from him.

"The only reason you're getting a pass is because it's Christmas." 

Graves looked back at Credence to find that his face had softened. "Thank you, darling," he said before capturing Credence in another kiss.

He cupped Credence's bottom, lifting him into the air. Credence let out a little shriek and immediately  wrapped his legs around Graves' waist. 

"Now it's time for me to unwrap my Christmas present. I can't wait to see where else that flush has made an appearance." 

Credence let out a breathy moan as he was carried into the bedroom. 

\---

Christmas morning Grave woke up early. He leaned over Credence and brushed a bit hair from his forehead before kissing his cheek. "Merry Christmas."

He managed to sneak out and pick up Credence's gift. As soon as everything was settled he went into the kitchen and prepared breakfast. He made coffee and scrambled eggs and thanks to Mrs. Clark they also had leftover ham and muffins. He conjured red linens, fine plates, silverware, and a poinsettia for the table. 

He lined the fireplace and the shelves with white candles and used a spell to make the radio play Christmas music. 

"Oh my God." Credence whispered from the doorway. Graves was a bit frazzled he had hoped he would have more time. 

"Darling! You're awake! Merry Christmas!" He said, "Do you like it?" 

"Like it? Percival this is amazing!" Credence said throwing himself at Graves. 

"I'm glad, but don't get attached. It'll all be gone in a few hours. Spells like this don't last very long." Graves told him. He spun him around and brought him to the table. 

"Everything looks and smells delicious!" Credence said as he scooped food into his plate. 

After breakfast, they made their way over to the sofa. They sat in silence in front of the tree. Graves noticed that Credence kept looking over at the tree. They were no presents. Graves' gift wasn't one that could have been left there. 

"Are you looking to see if your present will appear? " Graves asked. 

"What? No." Credence quickly responded. "...maybe a little."

Graves laughed. "Well, you won't find it there. Sit here and close your eyes while I go get it."

"Wait! I have one for you too!" Credence exclaimed racing to the bedroom.

He came back in to find Graves sitting on the sofa. No present in sight. 

"I'll have to give you mine first," Graves told him. "Sit down and close your eyes."

Credence did ask he was told. Graves reached behind a sofa and picked up a puppy that looked more fur than anything else. He gently placed the puppy on Credence's lap. The puppy immediately jumped up and began licking the younger man's face. Credence's eyes shot up and his hands came to grasp the little dog. He had the biggest smile on his face. It made Graves' heart ached. He loved Credence immensely. 

"Hello there, girl. Aren't you the prettiest thing in the whole world," he told the pup as he lifted her into the air. "Thank you, Percival. She's perfect!."

"She needs a name." Graves informed him as Credence lowered himself onto the floor to roll around with the puppy. 

"Hmmm... I think..." Credence said giving her a studious look. "Maggie." He lifted the puppy up and hugged her. "What do you think girl? Are you a Maggie? Is that your name?"

Maggie let out a little Yelp and both men laughed. "I think she likes it."

Graves watched silently as Credence and Maggie bonded. He was at peace. As far as they were from perfect or problem free, Graves had never been happier in his entire life. He could watch Credence all day long. He got up and brought over Maggie's bed and a few other supplies. Credence barely noticed. After a while, little Maggie yawned and she curled up into Credence lap to sleep. 

Credence looked up at him. "I'm sorry love, I forgot to give you your present" 

"It's okay."

"It's right there. Open it." Credence motioned with his head towards the box sitting next to Graves. "I hope you like it."

Graves pulled the box into his lap and carefully untied the bow around it. He removed the lid and pulled out a sweater. It was simple and clearly handmade but he thought it was wonderful. He smiled.

"I made them myself." Credence said, looking down at Maggie. 

"This is where you've gone off all these weeks?" Graves asked. 

"Mrs. Clark has been teaching me. She said sweaters are what Fair Isle is known for. Do you like them? They're not the best. I still need a lot of practice but..."

"Darling," Graves said, sitting down next to Credence and kissing him. "They're absolutely perfect. I love them."

He emptied the box to find two more sweaters. All together Credence had made him a black sweater, as well as a brown one and a royal blue one.

"I'm glad. I wanted to give you something useful. You've ruined so many of your fine clothes working outside... and then you tailored that one for me. I know they aren't as nice, but they'll keep you warm."

Graves cupped Credence's face. "Do you really think I care that I've ruined my clothes? They mean nothing to me. Thank you for these beautiful sweaters. I'm going to put the blue one on now." 

Graves kissed Credence's forehead and then pulled the sweater over his head. "You've come so far. You're powerful and kind and loving and magnificent and you love me? I'm the luckiest bastard in the world."

"Percival..." Credence whispered.

"I cursed, I'm sorry."

"I still love you," Credence said with a small smile on his face and tears in his eyes. "I wish you could see how magnificent you are. There's so much good in you. I can feel it in here," he continued as he placed his hand over Graves' heart. "And you're not terrible to look at, scar and all."

He smirked at Graves. 

"Has this Christmas been everything you hoped for?" Graves asked. 

"It's been beyond anything I've ever dreamed of." Credence said carefully moving next to Graves and resting his head on the older man's shoulder. 

"Are you ready for the rest of the day?" 

"There's more?" Credence asked.

"Not much I'm afraid. Some dancing and a chicken dinner for the two of us."

"Sounds perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff! I'd appreciate if you left a comment or kuddos! Thanks:)


End file.
